


Some cruel joke

by orphan_account



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Love Triangles, M/M, Masturbation, More tags later, Praise Kink, Requited Love, Shameless Smut, Unrequited Love, confused feelings, mutsuki likes it rough
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-20
Updated: 2016-03-12
Packaged: 2018-05-15 03:51:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5770201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Mutsuki knew how to play this game, he was familiar with it in a way that disturbed him, how easy it was to give away his body.'</p><p>Mutsuki has grown up barely understanding his emotions, his feelings towards other people, and how to convey his attraction and affection for certain individuals. He struggles more when its others who are attracted to him and sends him into a fit of confusion.</p><p>He doesn't know when he is loved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Parthenia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Parthenia/gifts).



> H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y C H L O E ! ! ! 
> 
> I hope you like this emotional roller coaster I am making for you! Its pretty much going to be full of sex, crying, confusion, people being assholes in general, but a good ending will exist!...
> 
> Only it will only be the princess who gets to see the good ending! hahaha fuck

Mutsuki knew how to play this game, he was familiar with it in a way that disturbed him, how easy it was for him to give away his body. Of course it was morally wrong, A superior with his subordinate, a teacher and student, a father and son, regardless of how the pair were viewed there was always the conscious knowledge that one stood higher than the other in some sense.

 

They were a mess, from the moment Mutsuki was pinned to the ground and chose that moment to hook his legs around his teachers waist. Sasaki took his cue and slipped his hands beneath the boys loose shorts and into his underwear, sparing always made him wet somehow and the boy instantly moaned as Sasaki’s fingers slipped between his folds.

 

Mutsuki arched his back, arms scrambling to grip at his teachers biceps for support as the other descended upon him, mouth pressing to the pulse point of his neck and suckling in a way that is both harsh and gentle. Mutsuki couldn't help but to feel himself shudder at the sensations.

 

Working swiftly Haise pressed his fingers inside of his subordinate and made to stretch him out, fingers scissoring and more added as his walls gradually gave out. Every time his fingers pumped inside of the boy he rolled his hips back to take them deeper, hushed whimpers of “Haise please, fuck me, I've been good, please” being whispered into his hear.

 

Sasaki backed off of Mutsuki momentarily, grunting at him to get onto his hands and knees, the boy was obedient, rolling over on his side before raising his body up. Sasaki hooked his fingers in the back of Mutsuki’s shorts and pulled them down to his knees along with his underwear, his other hand pushed up his shirt to settle between his shoulder blades and press his chest to the ground.

 

Haise made quick work of his own training clothes, dropping his shorts and lining himself up with Mutsuki’s entrance before pushing in. The boy gasped and his body was given little time to adjust to the penetration before Sasaki started to shift his hips, his pace starting out rough with his hands gripping Mutsuki’s waist so tightly the skin was bruising under his fingertips.

 

In this state he was primal, pinning Mutsuki down on his hands and knees with the clear intent to not cease till _he_ was satisfied, Mutsuki accepting the brunt of his superiors hardly contained stress and aggression. Haise kissed up the back of the boys spine, sucking dark marks into his skin and giving occasional bites.

 

Soon it were less kisses and more bites, it always went this way, his teacher gradually becoming more aggressive, more hungry. Mutsukis knees ached against the hardwood floor and it felt as if his arms would give out beneath him at any moment, the rough thrusts pushing his body against the ground harder and harder as Haise used more force.

 

Harsh grunts echoed in the room from the two, Haise now pressing his mouth to the back of Mutsuki’s neck, he could feel the warm muscle of his tongue skim over his skin, a light nip broke the skin with ease but was quickly abandoned for a more open area of flesh. Mutsuki braced himself as he felt teeth graze against his shoulder, Its not the first time he's done this, and he had to suppress a whine of pain when Haise sank his teeth deep into the muscle.

 

Sasaki gripped him tightly by the hips, teeth embedded in the boys shoulder as he fucked him on the training room floor. Here they could be as loud as they pleased, even with the others absent for the day, Sasaki didn't want a single interruption. Mutsuki now gasping and loudly crying out as each harsh thrust hit him.

 

“Ah! S-sasaki sensei, please, aah… I'm bleeding too much you need to.. stop biting me”

 

The smaller man struggled, pain radiating from his shoulder that only seemed to meld with the intense pleasure building inside of him, every harsh thrust delivered by his superior had his spine arching more and more as his torso was pressed against the hardwood floor.

 

Haise barely responded to Mutsuki, he merely released his mouth from the bloodied flesh but continued to lave it with his tongue, gathering as much of the blood as he could leaving not a drop. It was obvious to the aching young man that his teacher was close, he was becoming more vocal, sighs and grunts tumbling from his lips as each thrust lost pace and grew erratic.

 

Mutsuki felt his thighs shake, the rough treatment pushing him to his limits, very quickly he felt the pleasure coil inside of him tight enough that his head swam. He pressed his forehead against the floor as the pressure built inside him, sweat dripping from his skin, it was unbearably hot and his panting was leaving his throat dry and uncomfortable.

 

There was a deep growling, he was close, Haise grunting a half-hearted moan of his name. It was only a few more minutes before the man was done, the quick succession of the thrusting finally making the tight coil snap in Mutsuki and he came with an exhausted mewl, and Haise soon following after him, pulling out and spilling his load on the training room floors.

 

The heavy panting of the two tired men echoed in the room, Haise slumping over the body below him to catch his breath. Mutsuki came down from the high of his orgasm faster than he had anticipated and just felt hot and sticky in such an unpleasant way.

 

Haise backed off, pulling his shorts back up and readjusting himself, his hands moving to do the same with mutsuki’s though his hands lingered with unfinished touches. Mutsuki didn't mention it, he didn't say a thing as calloused fingertips skimmed against the blooming bruises on his sides, or as Haise pressed a kiss against the back of his head while he slowly stood on shaking legs.

 

Sasaki took a towel from the bench on the other side of the room to wipe up the mess of fluid they had made, Mutsuki just watched as the traces of their act were cleared away, he felt something he couldn't really understand. It was as like those bare moments together, the raw feeling he always feels from the man, settled in his heart like stones, like an obligation to reciprocate. 

 

Mutsuki loved his Sensei, he really did, but the extent of his affection stops at the level you would associate with a parent. He loved Sasaki like a father, or maybe a small bit more than that, after all no child sleeps with their parent like he does. 

 

Without a word Mutsuki stood and left, hearing Sasaki mutter something about taking a shower from over his shoulder as the door swung closed a little harder than he intended. He decided to use the shower upstairs, sasaki was more likely to choose the one closest to the training rooms, he just wanted to scrub off the feeling on his skin, the sensation of hands caressing him in a way so intimate it scared him.

 

———

 

His pyjamas were starting to feel looser, either he has been loosing weight or hes stretching his clothes in his sleep, regardless he plodded down the stairs with his pyjama pants hanging off his hips and t-shirt slipping off a shoulder. He felt he looked frumpy, but who was there to judge him? a guy who wears banana printed shorts to bed? or the guy who doesn't even wear anything to bed?

 

He sat down on the couch, the TV was running a game show that saiko had left on, she was curled up on a recliner completely dozed off. It was something along the lines of a Dating game where men had to guess the interests of the beautiful female contestants, if he guesses it right he gets a kiss. It was honestly so boring, more than half the female contestants claimed to have an affinity for cooking.

 

Regardless he let it sit in the background noise while his mind wondered. He thought about the missions soon to come, the rosewald capture, a possible Aogri raid, it was stressful, and god forbid he had to face that pain in the ass cab driver ‘Torso’. 

 

He also thought back to Sasaki, what they’d done earlier that day still clung in the back of his head, remembering flickers like whispers in his ears and the tickle of fingers on his ribs. It wasn't annoying, it wasn't pleasant, it was simply there. it made his skin tingle.

 

A slight weight beside him made his body shift, but his train of thought didn't stray. Mutsuki thought of the days in the academy, the incident with the bullying, the cat, the days he would scream at his classmates for calling him cruel names like “shemale” and “tranny” and the horrid word “SHE” despite the countless seminars teachers held to teach tolerance and acceptance. He thought of the first time he met Haise, the bright happy man that came in to teach the older students basic self defence.

 

He probably never would have guessed a few years from there he’d be a personal stress reliever for the man, sure he might have thought Sasaki was attractive, he might have experimented with his feelings on lonely nights when his roommates were out, but he never considered actually sleeping with the man.

 

Mutsuki remembered academy crushes, small passing thoughts of interest, boys, girls, it didn't matter to him. He wanted affection, a touch, the tallest boy in the class, strong and smart, the day he asked for a kiss and received one, followed by a “I usually only kiss pretty girls”. It hurt but he let it slip because was that not how these things worked? He thought back to the closing ceremony of his class, girls asking for a button from their admired classmates uniform, and the one, very timid girl who approached him with the same question.

 

Crushes were strange. They happened when you least expected them, even when watching one of your own squad mates twitch, writhe, scream, attack ballistically with complete self-absorbed determination to stand higher than all the rest. Even when the same man was sobbing on the floor, or dangling from the mouth of a gargantuan woman, even after a harsh hit to his own gut Mutsuki felt that tug on his heart again.

 

He really liked Urie.

 

“What happened?” came a voice too low and too quiet to recognise.

 

Mutsuki’s head whipped to view the person beside him, Urie was sitting much closer than he was used to and his tired eyes looked questioning. He was keeping his voice down as to not disturb Saiko, it was also probably why he was so close too, all to keep saiko asleep and happy.

 

The confused boy stuttered “wh-what?” in response. Urie sighed.

 

“You’re spacing out, you’ve been staring at the other side of the room for the last ten minutes”

 

“I was just…thinking about stuff” Mutsuki sighed

 

Urie rubbed the back of his neck, lifting his legs to cross them on the couch cushions and lean himself back to get comfortable. Then he did something completely unexpected.

 

Urie asked him “Do you want someone to talk with?”

 

“..Yeah… actually, that’d be nice”

 

“.. I can get Sasaki for you” Urie stated, moving to stand from his seat.

 

Mutsuki inhaled sharply “n-no!” he said maybe too loud, Urie looked at him in confusion, he continued ”you are okay to talk to… Id rather talk to you, if you're okay with that”

 

Urie settled again, concern setting in his features as the timid boy picked at his fingernails, avoiding eye contact. “What has been bothering you then? you're quieter than usual” urie asked, Mutsuki shifted in his seat, uncomfortable, he thought how he should word it, his anxieties and stress, the pit he felt in his stomach when he thought of what his relationship with Sasaki really _meant._

 

“Ive just been feeling so lost recently…” was Mutsuki’s reply “Im finding it hard to understand what people are actually thinking about me and its messing my head up! What if I like someone who probably actually hates me? or what if someone likes me and i have no idea?”

 

“so its love trouble you’re having?”

 

“yes? no? id not know! I haven't really had to deal with things like this before”

 

“Does the person were talking about make you happy?”

 

That was a good question, “who said its one person? it might be a whole squad…”

 

Urie huffed a quiet sigh “Because you wouldn't second guess them? I doubt Shirazu is capable of hating anyone he works with, Saiko probably likes you, and you're always spending time with Sasaki”

 

“Do you really think so?”

 

“once you get on nickname level with those losers you've gained their affection”

 

He was right, Saiko calls him muuchan with the look in her eyes that screams ‘my favourite person’, the same eyes she has for Haise and Shirazu. Shirazu picked up on it too, they were like two excitable birds squawking at each other for attention. 

 

“Yeah… they do love me i guess… but it doesn't change how confused I am about other people, its not important i just… don’t like not knowing when someone actually detests me”

 

“You should just trust people to love you, even if they're assholes they might.. like, like you” Uries reply was somewhat stuttered, if he weren't so tired he could have claimed he saw the rough young man blushing. 

 

“do you like me Urie?” he asked teasingly.

 

Uries gaze darted to the sleeping form on the couch and then locked onto Mutsuki’s own bright orbs, he looked nervous, uncertain, unsaid words coming lose from his chest as he breathed.

 

“I’ve liked you for a while, i don’t know, you make me feel… different”

 

Mutsuki was at a loss for words, he was probably just talking about liking as a friend, not a crush, its not a crush, Urie cant have a crush on him. Urie probably thought he was a freak, or a delusional child who cant decide what or who he wants.

 

“Im sorry I shouldn't have spoken, fuck! I mean you are okay, i don’t hate you, and what you did during the raid felt really nice- WAS really nice, I mean!-”

 

Mutsuki stretched out an arm and gripped Urie by the wrist, his jumbled rambling ceased into light panting, a barely visible sweat beading on his brow line. “calm down, Urie” Mutsuki said quietly, leaning his body towards the dark haired boy.

 

“I didn't say it right, Mutsuki listen-”

 

The smaller boy placed both hands on Urie’s shoulders and gave him a firm jolting shake, He grunted in response and shook his head. Mutsuki leaned forward more, his face getting closer and closer, he asked his earlier question again, more serious.

 

“Do you really like me, Urie?”

 

With a sighed “yes” Urie lunged forwards, his lips seeking Mutsuki’s own to claim them, the kiss was short, sweet, but still so short. It wasn't long enough for Mutsuki to taste Urie’s tongue, not long enough to pull sound from the other like he was so used to with Sasaki. It was like Urie was nervous of how Mutsuki would react.

 

As Urie pulled back he couldn't help but to chase those lips, letting his tongue dart out and swipe against the soft flesh and leaving it glossy and warm. Urie gave an audible hitch of his breath and mutsuki watched as the others own tongue peeked out to touch the same area. 

 

Mutsukis voice was quiet when he asked “Would you do that again?”, and Urie seemed much too eager to kiss him. There was a loud crash of heavy plastic hitting the floorboards, Saiko had shifted in her seat and knocked the television remote onto the ground, The two snapped their heads towards the sleeping girl with a gasp, scared to see her staring at them with that knowing smug grin.

 

But she was still asleep, she slept like a rock really, not even a rampant ghoul trashing their living room could stir her. Urie let out a short breath of relief and mutsuki felt the pressure of the others lips on his cheek, a whisper of his name in his ear, and a firm hand clasping his thigh.

 

“Maybe-” Mutsuki started off “-I need some time, sorry. Im just thinking too much… I'm just going to confuse myself again”

 

And with that Urie held himself back, a hard set frown on his features, he’d gone back to the normal ‘Urie’, The pale boy stood, his hand dared to linger on mutsuki’s leg till he was above him. Urie decided he was going to carry Saiko upstairs to her bedroom, and that Mutsuki should head off as well. Urie closed their interaction with him stubbornly avoiding looking the object of his affection in the eyes.

 

But as Mutsuki climbed the stairs, the sound of potato chip packets rustling in the background and Uries grunts of frustration and half muttered curses, he felt that familiar tug on his heart. Like the day he had first embraced him, it wasn't a fire, it was low burning coals that settled in the pit of his stomach.

———

 

That night, though the world stood silent, Mutsuki’s mind raced. He could feel hands on him, warm and strong, gentle, they were his own but his mind lies to him. Its Urie, its Sasaki, he doesn't care who he just craved the sensation of touch. 

 

His bedclothes abandoned on the ground beside his bed and timid hands sliding over his own skin in experimental touches. He doesn't touch himself often, but when he does he can only think of someone else slipping their fingers down his thighs, gripping at his flesh, and teasing his most sensitive flesh.

 

He felt Urie’s strong fingers, he’d assume to be rough but soft to the touch, pinching and rolling his nipples, he squeezed his breasts, the soft tissue bulging against the pressure. His breath shuddered at the memory of Sasaki’s hot mouth suckling against his neck, eager to descend in cascading nips and bites till hes greedily mouthing at the boys Breasts. 

 

Uries hands lower, Mutsuki rolls his hips against his own hand as it dips between his thighs, his fingers slid down to his entrance now thoroughly wet and gathered the slick moisture to spread over himself. Urie’s fingers are nimble, as if he already knew where to touch, where to press his fingers into and how to make Mutsuki’s spine arch on the mattress, he sinks two fingers inside of himself with a sigh.

 

Haise is forgotten, Urie now grazing blunt teeth over his nipples, biting, so tight it hurt in a breathtaking way and he wanted more. Mutsuki wanted so much more. He moaned, knowing sure well who was on the other sides of his room, his fingers crooked against his walls, pressing for the right spot to grind into to cause the most pleasure. His thumb worked over his clit in broad harsh rolls, he let the shocks of pleasure vibrate beneath his skin and build.

 

“Urie…urie” the name was dying on his tongue, He pushed another finger inside himself, picturing Urie above him, eyelids dropping and sweat beading on his forehead, panting from exertion. He pushed his fingers in as far as he could, he thinks Urie would be rough, so so rough, he envisioned Urie thrusting into him and each push inside would make the bed shake with he sheer force. 

 

If he tried hard enough Mutsuki could almost feel the heat of Urie’s breath as he groaned Mutsukis name into the sighing boys ear. He was panting fast, his fingers working faster against his sex and needy whines falling from his mouth. He wanted Urie to hear him, he wanted the heat building beneath his ribs to explode out of him. He just wanted for that tug to become a pull, to a yank, till his entire heart was outside his body and not beating so hard it made him dizzy.

 

Mutsuki came unexpectedly, so caught up in his mixed fantasies he barely noticed the pleasure build to snapping point. He barely had the time to turn his head into his pillows and sigh out his drawn out moan.

 

His hand came away sticky and warm, his skin had a pleasant buzz to it like tiny bees vibrating on the surface. He just wanted to rest now, the blurring darkness crawling into the edges of his vision. Mutsuki decided he will revise his feelings in the morning.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took me forever im sorry

Things were a mess.

 

It was wrong. It was so so so wrong.

 

Everything had gone terribly awry during the takedown of the Tsukiyama family. From the very beginning Mutsuki felt he should have anticipated something like this, but his heart held fast to the hopes his family will survive this…

 

…they didn't though.

 

He watched from a distance, his leg twisted backwards gave him no option to move forwards, as his brother, his friend, a lover, screamed at the body below him. It was a cry of agony. It was shattering in a way that made his heart sink like lead to the pit of his stomach because he _knew_ what this meant. 

 

Shirazu Ginshi, their squad leader and companion, was dead.

 

Takeomi was close by and he could already hear the poor mans breathing stagger as sobs shook his chest. He cared not for the blood staining his brow or the bone sticking at an angle out of his arm, not for crying and barely breathing behind him but for the breathless ahead of him.

 

Takeomi let himself crumple as if a weight had been dropped on his shoulders, a whisper of “Shiragin… this cant be” before he became motionless on the bloodied concrete below them. It was for the best, that is, that Takeomi was now unconscious, after all Urie would never want him to hear the height of his wailing.

 

Mutsuki could only watch as quiet tears left his eyes and his sobs escaped his bruised lips as whimpers and tired breaths. 

 

* * *

 

It was quiet.

 

Sure it had been quiet before too, but the house now lacked the presence of energy it once had. As if the very heart of the chateau had rested in the musical drone of Shirazu’s favourite game shows, his colourful language spilling hot oil on himself in the kitchen, the almost too heavy but still so light thuds as he tries to climb the stairs and not disturb anyone. 

 

With shirazu gone, their home was no longer alive as well.

 

No one came to visit, only to give their condolences.

 

Suzuya tried to brighten others up, his warped perception of ‘people die all the time here’ really didn't make anyone feel any better.

 

Sasaki hadn't been the same since and Urie was rapidly growing distant from everyone. Saiko refuses to leave her room and now Mutsuki is really the only one left with some hold on what hes doing.

 

He met his obligation and went back to the CCG a mere few days after the incident, he watched as empathetic eyes scanned him for a sign of grief, or loneliness, or guilt. He learned Kuroiwa Takeomi had been discharged from hospital but is walking a thin line between stability and going off the deep end. 

 

He screams for Shirazu in his sleep just as Saiko does, just as Urie sobs.

 

Mutsuki even met with Arima, the large man placing a comforting firm hand on his shoulder and the confirmation that ‘he will be remembered’ as if it put anyone at ease.

 

Shirazu Ginshi didn't want to be remembered.

 

Shirazu Ginshi wanted to live.

 

* * *

 

“You need to eat something” the dark skinned boy spoke from the broken doorframe, days earlier had the hinges been torn off in a fit of rage. The dark mass on the bed made no real attempt to move, choosing rather to stare blankly ahead at the wall before him.

 

“Urie please-” he tried again.

 

“…i dont feel hungry” was his response.

 

Urie was hungry. He was so so hungry, but the guilt and the emptiness weighed him down and filled his stomach with pebbles, stones and teeth. He knew he wasn't being reasonable. He knew that wallowing in self loathing would get him nowhere but it still felt _painful_ to do so much as breathe.

 

A gentle hand came to rest on his arm, Mutsuki, soft and kind, slowly rolled him onto his back to look up at him. He held a plate in his hand, a glass of water sitting on the bedside table, he was trying so hard to keep his family healthy in this time.

 

Mutsuki sighed “Its not much, but your body will thank us” as he placed the plate beside the glass. He had made him a sandwich, simple, but probably all his stomach would take at the moment.

 

Urie gave it a momentary look, slowly trying to raise up onto his arms to lift his body from beneath the sheets when Mutsuki moved to help him, steadying his body to rest against the pillows by the headboard. The green haired man sat at the edge of the bed with him.

 

“I’m sorry”

 

Urie’s voice was barely a whisper. Dry from the lack of hydration and days spent crying on his own. 

 

“You have nothing to apologise for” Mutsuki assured him

 

“Im so useless like this”

 

“You can’t control whats happening”

 

“Im supposed to be strong, i haven’t even seen Saiko or Sasaki for a week”

 

“they haven’t been moving much either”

 

Urie cast him a look of doubt, yeah, he lied a little, Saiko has been moving between her bed and the couch, Sasaki has been distant, leaving a room almost as soon as Mutsuki entered it, watching a whip of black hair disappear just before he could say or do anything. 

 

Urie had been the most Inactive this whole time.

 

“Will you get up for his funeral next week?” Mutsuki asked

 

Urie shrugged, picking up the plate and balancing it on his lap, taking a moment to survey the crisp white bread.

 

“I’ll come, I just… need a bit more time”

 

Mutsuki nodded, an almost sad smile tugged the corners of his lips as he brushed his fingers through Urie’s hair, it was now matted and clung in small clumps together from his sweat and natural oils. He hadn't bathed in a week either, mutsuki realised he will probably have to help him with this too.

 

“we don't mind waiting, shirazu wont mind either”

 

At the mention of his name Uries lips twitched, the edges of them being pulled down as if he were ready to start crying again, tears even pricked at the corners of his eyes before Mutsuki leaned in to place a soft kiss at the bridge of his nose.

 

Then his cheek, both.

Then his lips

 

Urie let the kiss comfort him. Hands abandoning porcelain to lace into Mutsuki’s hair and pull him in closer, tears spilled over, he was desperate to cling to the affection he was given as if it too would leave. Mutsuki welcomed his prodding tongue, ignoring his lack of hygiene, and let his caress the others tentative muscle.

 

Urie pulled away too soon, Mutsuki wanted to carry it further, but the way Urie’s breathing shook let him know he wasn't prepared emotionally to do so much as look him in the eyes. With a final kiss to his temple Mutsuki left Urie to eat in peace.

 

He had one last check past the doorframe before heading downstairs to his bedroom. Urie probably didn't know it was 2 in the morning anyway.

 

* * *

 

Sasaki was talking to him again.

 

A few days following the funeral Mutsuki found him standing in the kitchen with a mug of coffee in his hand, his relaxed posture seemed forced, and for some reason he felt it necessary to wear just one glove and long-sleeved shirts all of the sudden. He's hiding something.

 

“Good morning Sasaki-sensei” Mutsuki tried to say in his normal chipper ‘morning’ voice. It only wavered slightly with the tone sounding unsure rather than friendly.

 

He raised the mug slightly as a gesture of acknowledgment and a simple “morning” was his response. His voice sounded deeper somehow, more tired too. Mutsuki felt the need to be cautious around him now.

 

“…have you been coping alright?” he asked, slipping his gloved thumb under the lens of his glasses to wipe off steam.

 

“Um, yeah, I haven’t let myself dwell on it y’know?” Mutsuki responded with a shrug before opening the fridge door to rummage through it for something to eat. He could almost feel Haise’s eyes watching him bend over and the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end.

 

The clink of his coffee mug being placed on the kitchen counter seemed to echo, every slight movement he made did in this damn quiet house “I haven't been sleeping much myself… I keep seeing that woman in my dreams -”

 

Mutsuki thought for a moment _Oh, right…_ _the Owl is a woman_

 

“- she's mocking me every time I think of these failures… at least her child never died on her”

 

_what child has the Owl had? how do you know of it?_ Mutsuki wanted to ask him.

 

But Haise was Vulnerable, he knew that look he got in his eyes when his heart was exposed and bleeding, waiting for someone with needle and thread to help him agonisingly sew it shut again. His eyes were watery behind the large lenses but for once, instead of stepping forward for comfort, he turned and tipped the rest of his coffee down the sink.

 

“Are you okay?” Mutsuki asked hesitantly

 

Sasaki shrugged and shook his head, no he wasnt, he clearly had something wrong with him. The problem was, mutsuki only knew of one way he could help comfort Sasaki, something he knows he shouldn't think of anymore. After all he has Urie now.

 

“I think… I’m going to go back to bed. Sorry Mutsuki, I’m just tired”

 

He wasn't looking at him, Mutsuki almost felt compelled to force himself into Haise’s line of vision but the man made a quick retreat from the kitchen. He really was acting so strange, Haise is becoming a new person to him, a stranger, the more he avoids it the more likely they are to fall apart as a family.

 

“-but Sasaki!” mutsuki almost shouted down the hall before his teacher got to the door. He stopped only for a moment to regard him.

 

“Tooru, its not your job to keep everyone together right now.” one hand was posed at the door handle, the red gloved hand gripping the frame, his glasses seemed to glint in the morning light with mischief and rage. “Your just exhausting yourself. I don't need help, Urie doesn't need help, he needs to stop sulking, Saiko is getting her shit together so he can too.” Sasaki’s words came out almost too angrily, pushing the door open and closing it with a harsh slam, followed by the subtle click of the lock turning.

 

Mood swings.

 

Directing his anger at anyone but himself.

 

Haise coped with his stress and tiredness in a way the others knew not to. He was mad at Urie for being helpless, he was mad at himself for not being there, he was mad at Mutsuki for giving himself to the comfort of anyone other than Sasaki himself. He was greedy.

 

Mutsuki felt uneasy as he climbed the staircase once more.

 

* * *

 

They were growing closer. Mutsuki and Urie.

 

Sharing the pain of loss they managed to comfort each other in many ways, Mutsuki had seen the ultimate points of weakness in Urie, and Urie has seen the inner strength Mutsuki held. It wasn't too long till a lingering glance as one left the room became innocent brushes of hands, till an innocent peck on the forehead was slipping ones tongue into the others mouth.

 

Comforting now took the form of something far more intimate, it was familiar to mutsuki, but this time he felt a warmth like nothing he’d experienced before. What he remembered as Haise’s trembling fingers dragging down his spine was now Urie’s stern ungloved hands cupping the back of his skull as he pressed further into their kiss.

 

It was refreshing.

 

it didn't feel forced, it didn't feel guilty. 

 

It was natural and he _enjoyed_ this.

 

Mutsuki trailed his fingers down Urie’s chest and to the hem of his boxershorts, the mans erection already pressing to the fabric and eager to be released and touched.The dark haired boy groaned under his breath when teasing fingertips skimmed the wet tip, hips rolling to prolong the contact.

 

Urie’s breaths were laboured as the pleasure ebbed away the residual tears marking his cheeks. There was something charming in the way his eyelashes clumped together, the stern scowl always painted on his brow now resting calm while his glassy eyes memorised every movement Mutsuki made against him.

 

“Good boy, your doing fine, you're alright”

 

the dark skinned boy whispered into the flesh of Urie’s neck while his hands dipped under the boxers waistband to finally grasp the hot flesh beneath. The sound Urie made was embarrassing, a choked whine, remnants of a sob haphazardly mixed in as he couldn't make sense of what sounds were of pleasure or grief.

 

He almost forgot exactly why he was crying anyway.

 

This is what mutsuki was trying to do, distract, avoiding their real feelings and diving headfirst into few lustful moments as if their life were simpler than just this. The first few pumps were a little _too_ experienced for what he was wanting to show Urie, he loosened his grip, let his hands feel hesitant and shy as they tested the textured skin.

 

Mutsuki wondered what he’d taste like, but that would be too much. Urie was already coming loose with simple touches from his hand, both his body and heart too sensitive for anything too _close_. 

 

He feels Urie’s hand come to push down his boxers and expose himself to the air, his breathing hitches for a moment before his own hand covers Mutsukis to encourage the boy to use a firmer grip. When Mutsuki figured out the pressure Urie liked his hand retreated to rest against his wrist, bare fingers and thumb brushing the tendons each time his wrist would roll at an angle.

 

Uries hips stutter when Mutsuki slides his thumb over the slit of Urie’s cock, precome spilling onto his fingers and slicking each new movement. The hand on his wrist tightens, he doesn't know if its a sign to stop, slow down, or speed up, but the way Urie’s body reacts to an increase in speed seems to give enough of an answer when his hips struggle to stay still.

 

“I think- im gonna… I'm close mu-” he pauses a moment as a strangled moan worms its way out of his throat, his back arching ever so slightly, “-mutsuki please I'm so close”

 

Mutsuki latched his mouth onto the underside of Urie’s jaw and started biting and mouthing along till he reached his ear, all the while dropping subtle murmurs of praise. He can feel Urie’s control slipping, his free hand gripping him by the hip in a hold tight enough to bruise while his hips rolled in time with mutsukis hand.

 

“come on honey let go, you're okay, just let go”

 

Mutsukis whispers in his ear were so close, Urie felt his breath fanning over the side of his face and smothering him in warmth, with little recognition he turned his face to capture the boys mouth with his own, bare moments before his release came with a drawn out cry.

 

His semen covered mutsukis fingers and his own lower abdomen, the last few drops being greedily milked out by needy hands that were too used to not stopping till he was completely spent. The young man was tempted to just slip a few fingers into his mouth, enticing, but instead inverted his tanktop over his head to wipe up their mess.

 

Urie lay there panting beneath him. eyes unfocused and drowsy. it was late, but he slept better after exhausting himself. Mutsuki placed a soft kiss to his forehead once more before getting to his feet, there was a humid air to the room now that settled comfortably on his skin like a sheen of fresh summer rain.

 

The sleepy mans eyes slipped closed after a few quiet seconds of breathing and nothing more, then Mutsuki took his que to leave.

 

* * *

 

Haise was displeased to say the least.

 

“were you going to tell me about him eventually?”

 

His words sounded sharp, breathing held steady but an obvious anger in the pit of his stomach ready to erupt. Haise was more likely furious than he was displeased.

 

“Its only the right thing to do after everything we’ve done!”

 

Mutsuki bit back “Why are you getting so possessive all of the sudden? it shouldn't matter to you!”

 

“How can you expect me to turn a blind eye to this!?”

 

_just breath mutsuki,_ he thought to himself, _composure is key_

 

“Its not like we were anything serious!” _surely he didn't think…_

 

Mutsuki watched as Haise’s expression changed, it was a split second, a lapse, a crack in his mask, for just a moment he looked rejected, wounded almost. Right after that, the eruption, his brows creasing deep and gloved hands raking through ink black hair. His voice now raised to a yell.

 

“are you fucking kidding me?!”

 

“Sasaki-”

 

“you have been fucking with me this whole time!?”

 

“-please calm down!”

 

“ _dont_ _TELL ME TO CLAM DOWN_ ”

 

Haise’s fist hit the table and a loud shattering crack echoed in the room as it splintered. His glasses were fogging up, that can only mean there were tears.

 

“Everything we did never meant a thing to you and you want me to not be upset!”

 

_‘it was never anything, you were desperate, you asked for my body, i gave it to you and you kept taking’_ mutsuki wanted to yell at him, his heart rate picking up as his body called for him to run away. 

 

“I thought you loved me!” there was a crack in Haises voice that made Mutsukis own heart splinter.

 

With reluctance Mutsuki spoke “Sasaki… I do love you. Just not in the right way for this to work”, with every few words he took more paces backward, spacing themselves, Haise’s fists tightened and released. He heard the mans knuckles cracking under the pressure.

 

“i see.”

 

Haise’s voice had gone too quiet.

 

And that was it.

 

* * *

 

The following morning Mutsuki finds a letter. Neat handwriting, folded on the coffee table in the living room.

 

_Haise sasaki has officially resigned from his position as the Quinx mentor._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pththhthththhtt


End file.
